In the next Life
by Bergulme
Summary: AU - Pike survived the attack in STID and is sill commanding officer of the Enterprise. The story sets in after the end of STID. Christopher Pike is visiting his first officer Jim Kirk. Freshly revived form the dead young Jim is struggling to deal with his experiences. Christopher will help him through it like the father the boy never had.


**Title:** In the next Life

**Rating: **PG-13

**Warning: **Mention of abuse, suicide and torture

**Disclaimer:** All characters owned by Paramount Pictures, and I do not claim any ownership over them or the world of Star Trek.

**Author's Note: **This is my second take on fiction that's not written in my native language. So, there was struggle grammar, typos and everything. I did my best. Constructive criticism is welcome and will be considered for the clean version.

**Summary:** AU - Pike survived the attack in STID and is sill commanding officer of the Enterprise.

The story sets in after the end of STID. Christopher Pike is visiting his first officer Jim Kirk. Freshly revived form the dead young Jim is struggling to deal with his experiences. Christopher will help him through it like the father the boy never had.

* * *

The rehabilitation center lay between beautiful trees and fields at the outskirts of San Fransisco. Nice and quiet. Christopher Pike felt a little dread, when the hover car stop at the entrance with it's carefully manicured lawn and bushes. The last time he were here he recovered from mind-control worms and romulan torture. Sighing he grabbed his cane and got off the car. He wouldn't need the cane today. He was still full of pain killers. Almost being bombed into the afterlife by a crazy man took it's toll, but Christopher was here for someone who got an even better taste of afterlife than he did.

The inside of the center was clean and buzzed with calm business just like he remembered. He almost made his way to the reception when a voice called his name. When he turned around Dr. Leonard McCoy stood there smiling.

"Dr. McCoy."

"Admiral."

While they shook hands Christopher eyed the other man. McCoy was not dressed casually or in his black and blue Starfleet uniform, but wore the white of the clinic personal.

"Trying to bland into the environment?" he asked with a gesture.

McCoy looked down at himself and snorted.

"No, I am here to watch over Jim. I also have orders to get a clue what the hell exactly happen with him after the transfusion." McCoy scratched his head "Starfleet decided to allowed me to do that here. You get a favor for raising the dead, I guess. Uh...You read the reports about it, Sir?"

Christopher nodded. Jim died by radiation poisoning. McCoy, on little more than a whim, gave him a transfusion with Khan's augment blood. Jim lived. A miracle.

"How is he?" Christopher asked.

A frown appeared on McCoy's face. With a sigh he pulled a padd form his pocket and began to tap. "His body is recouping just fine. Khan's blood did wonders to his cells. Right now, we are working on getting it out of Jim. The different antibodies are starting a bitch fight against each other, but we got that covered."

McCoy was done tapping. Obviously he found what he had been looking for and handed the padd over to Christopher. "There is something else that worries me."

The padd showed the psychological evaluation of Commander James Tiberius Kirk. Christopher started to scrolled through the pages. The evaluation contained notes and diagnoses form older exams. Jim's character pressed into the letter on the screen. He stopped scrolling when he reached the latest report concerning Jim's treatment in the rehabilitation center. What he read made the icy feeling in his stomach even colder.

_...severe PTSD suspected...continued belittlement of his experience...Patient is unwilling to corporate...aggression...emphatic examination showed...repression...resorted to threatening clinic personal...if Patient is not...therapy...return into active service highly questionable..._

Christopher look up form the padd. "Where is he?"

"Follow me, Sir."

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They stopped before a glazed door. Through the pane Christopher could see Jim. The boy looked like shit. Ghostly pale with dark circles under his eyes he lay in bed. On the nightstand stood a tablet with a half eating portion of whatever, a glass of water next to it. He was awake, lazily tapping at a padd. There were bio-sensors at his templed and chest, blinking in time with the medi-station at the headboard. Everything seemed unnervingly peaceful.

McCoy turned to Christopher.

"Are you gonna talk to him? About the therapy sessions, Sir?" He hesitated for a moment. "You know, he listens to you. More than to me anyway."

Christopher swallowed in an attempt to lose the lump in his throat. He leaned on his cane and walked to a chair near by. Pain suddenly plucking at the muscle in his leg. He sank to the chair with a sigh. "Yes, I will talk to him, Doctor. Just give me a minute."

McCoy stared at him for moment, like he wanted to say something, than he shrugged and nodded. "Of course, Sir."

Christopher watched him leave and put his head in his hand. In the other he still had the padd with Jim's medical file. Again he opened the document. Should he be amazed or shocked by everything this boy survived? Even Death? Plucking in the leg, pressure in the head and a prickling feeling were his rips had been broken reminded him that his own battle wounds. It reminded him of his age. He had his fair share of fights. But looking at Jim's evaluation made him wonder if he knew anything about fighting at all.

Years ago he had looked at another screen filled with data about Jim Kirk. Back than this person was nothing more to him than numbers and hollow phrases. Christopher had looked it up while Jim drooled on the floor of this shitty bar and he thought he knew all about this man. When he dared the young Jim Kirk to outdo his father it was a calculated guess based on this dead knowledge.

Over time the boy grew on him. Jim Kirk with his charm and energy, aced his classes. The boy, born in chaos, left by his mother, abused by his step-father, worked so hard to leave his father's shadow. It was also the earning to matter, to himself and to others. The earning to be someone. Jim threw himself at this task without concern. The boy never had a guiding hand, never had anyone to hold him back or help him along the way. Nobody to tell him that he mattered regardless what he did.

Christopher felt a sharp tuck in his chest. If somebody taught Jim where to draw the line, it would be Christopher Pike. The boy would break his heart, if he let him fly around the galaxy unsupervised. He wouldn't let Jim screw up _this_ second chance.

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Christopher chimed the door bell. He heard Jim's muffled command and the door slid open.

"Admiral!", Jim put the padd down he had been fiddling with. With some effort he pulled himself up and stretched. "Is it "Visit the Undead" -day already? I promise not to eat your brain"

The admiral gave a little chuckle and sat down next to Jim's bed. "I come here to check on my first officer. Freshly revived as i am told. How are you, Jim?"

They shook hands and Jim leaned back against the headboard. With wave of his hand he said "Oh, radiation poisoning is not so bad. This immune-stuff is hard."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, Khan's antibodies and mine are making asses out of them self and eat each other. Bones glorious idea is to repress Khan's antibodies and to push mine or something like that. Have you ever been on Vodka Energy, Admiral? That's what it feels like. And than there is the food."

Christopher took a closer look at the half eaten meal. "Irish stew?"

"_Maybe_." Jim said with a snort, than he clapped his hand together. "Okay, enough of that, how is our both favorite lady?"

"The Enterprise? Well, lot better since Mr. Scott got his hands back on it. She took quiet a beating this time."

Jim nodded. "Yeah. God, I am so happy to have Scotty back.."

They talked a while about the repairs. Christopher was relieved to have a neutral topic. A nurse came in to check on the bio-sensors and to take a blood sample. After she left Jim sank into his bed in relief. He looked very tired. Christopher could not put it off any longer.

"Jim, there is other reason why I am checking in on you. I have been told, that the therapy sessions are not successful." said Pike, scrolling through some document on his padd. "The good doctor says, you are repressing the stress your death experience puts on you. That you refuse counseling"

With an unnerved face Jim let head fall on the pillow. He took a deep breath and said: "Look, it was just like I told the doc. It was like fainting and waking up again. I have done that a couple times without a shrink fussing over me."

"Well." said Christopher "I will quote yourself and call this bullshit."

Jim stared at him with a stoned expression. With his pale skin he looked as unmovable as a marble statue.

"What you want to tell me is that dieing form radiation after willing walking into a warp core, all while your crew and ship are falling into their deaths, is same to you as getting knock out in a bar fight?"

"Well, when you put it like that..."

Jim noticed Christopher's stare and groaned "Okay, it is not the same, but tell me. What good will come from it, when a shrink pocking around in my subconscious? I am alright. Okay? What I need is to go back on the Enterprise, the faster the better."

Christopher raised an eyebrow went back to read from the padd.

"The patient is not willing to partake in any treatment regarding his mental heath... Continued questioning showed that Kirk has no realistic view on past events... He displays aggression without being provoked..._ threatened clinic personal with violence..._"

"Don't tell me you believe these hacks?!" Jim snapped.

"These hacks are your best friend and other competent people who, I might note, saved your life. And why should they lie, Jim?"

A sarcastic huff came form Jim and he pressed his hands onto his eyes. "Oh, I can see on which side you are on, _Admiral Pike_. I am lying here, puking my guts out and they get on my case with immune-therapy and blood samples._ Without being provoked_, my ass!"

"Jim, _I am_ on your side. This procedure is important for you, so that you will able to return into active service."

Instead of answering Jim sighed deeply. His hands were still pressed against his face.

"Jim, look at me." Christopher got off his chair stepped next to the bed. He tried to pull Jim's arms away from his face. James was acting so stupid. Couldn't he understand that he wanted to help him?

Knowing that hiding his face wouldn't do him any favors, Jim let his arms fall back onto his blanket. He still didn't wanted look at the admiral and turned his head in the other direction. Helplessness and anger built up in Christopher as he stared at the back of Jim's head.

"This is childish, Jim. You know that the therapy session are supposed to help you. Nobody is looking to kick you off the Enterprise. The better your compliance the better for everybody."

Jim turned his head and Christopher could see tears shimmer in Jim's eyes. When he opened his mouth his voice was shaky.

"And if they do? What if they are trying to get rid of me? What if they don't give her back? What if the shrink reports me to be a total basket case and they don't let me back on the Enterprise again?" Jim swallowed audibly "Why did they bring me back for when I don't get back on the Enterprise? They should have let me -"

"Stop!"

Jim stopped his rambling. Christopher hadn't realized how loud his voice had been. The boy looked at him now, glassy eyes open wide with shock. Christopher graped Kirk's head with both hands, forcing him to look him in the eyes. His guts were burning with anger and fear.

"_Don't. You. Dare_. Don't you dare to say something like that ever again. Don't you dare to _think_ that."

Christopher let lose of the younger man's head and he sank against him. Trembling and sobbing Jim leaned against his chest, hands tangled into his uniform. The warm wetness spread on it. Whatever dam there had been, it was broken now.

"They should have let me stay dead." Jim mumbled "That's what I am good for"

Violent sobs sallowed Jim's next words. Christopher wrapped his arms tight around the boy. In his mind he damned everybody straight to hell who ever denied him this. Nobody should ever think these words. He pressed the boy closer to him.

"They should have...", Jim whispered into his shirt over and over again.

"No, no no no. They did alright. _You_ did alright, son."

Jim stiffened. He pushed himself out of Christopher's arms.

"No!" he spat his words at the older man. "No! I did not alright!"

Struggling, weakness in his bones, he got up form the bed. He took some aimless steps and tumbled to the window.

"Everybody is fretting over me because I was dead. Like I didn't do everything wrong! They forget that I put my crew and my ship in danger." His words were hoarse and dripping with self-hatred.

"If hadn't been for Scotty all of them would have kicked the bucket. Marcus would have blown us to pieces! And I couldn't do anything! I...I...I just stood there...and...and..."

Suddenly the hate was gone and panic distorted his features. Like he was standing on the bridge again.

Jim clutched the window frame. His breath came quick gasps. The medi-station by the bed started beeping. Jim's life signs flashed in red.

Christopher rushed to his side. Carefully he pulled James' fingers away form the frame and put him back into his embraces. He felt Jim's heart banging against his rips and the cold sweat dripping down his temples. He rubbed Jim's back in slow circles.

"Ssh... Breathe, Jimmy, Breathe. You need to clam down."

"I screwed it up!" Jim pressed out. "I screwed it up! I always screw everything up!"

"No, you didn't. You did just right."

"I died! That's screwing up. First I screwed up my crew and then I died."

"But you live, son. You live. Everything went well."

A broken cry and than Jim relaxed.

Behind Jim's back trough the glazed door Christopher saw a nurse and a doctor rushing to the rescue. He signed them to wait. The alarm form the medi-station stopped and left the two men in silence. The Baffled nurse and doctor took in the scene before the doctor gave him a nod and both retreated out of his view.

"Come on." said Christopher and steered the younger back to the bed. They sank down on the edge side by side with Christopher's arms still around Jim.

"Some fights can't be won." Christopher said after a moment. He felt a sad smile tugging at corners of his mouth. "That's what the Kobayashi Maru test should have taught you"

Realization seemed to hit Jim. A new wave of sobs forced their way up, but when he sank back into Christopher's embrace a crushing pressure appeared to be lifted. He petted Jim's hair reassuring him to let everything out. Jim cried into his shoulder. The crying died down to a hiccup then he found his voice again.

"I was so scared." he said hoarsely. "I was so scared. And everything hurt. All this crap of people dieing all cool and peaceful in books and movies is bullshit. There was Spock and hurt and then I was alone and then nothings. Just nothings!" He sniffed and stared into the room.

They set there in silence for a while.

Finally Jim cleared his throat. "Wow, where did this all came from?"

"Well" said Christopher and handed Jim the water glass "I could make an educated guess."

Jim only huffed weakly and drank. After he was done he put the empty glass on the nightstand.

The admiral watched him curiously. "How do you feel?"

The younger only shrugged.

"Don't know. Empty. A little sad maybe."

"That's a start." said Christopher. He ruffled Jim's hair affectionately. " Do you still think the counseling is chicane?"

The other sighed deeply. "No, maybe not."

"You are not the first to make such an experience nor the first Starfleet officer. You will see. The guys here know their work. You will be back on the Enterprise in no time."

Puffy eyes looked at him. "You are sure?"

"Yes! You will feel better. It is not good to bottle everything up."

Jim snorted and let himself fall on the bed "Tell that to Spock."

"Spock is a special case."

"Ha! I will tell him you called him that."

Smiling Christopher got up form the bed, graped his cane and straightened his uniform.

Jim wiggled himself under the blanket. "You can tell Bones, I will be a good boy now."

"That will be a first time"

Jim smiled and fiddled with his blanket. Still fiddling he asked with a unusual shyness in his voice.

"Hey, uh...Chris, before you go...You think you could..." He look up. Warmth spread in Christopher's chest and he knew.

"Sure, son." he said, stepped over to the bed and wrapped his arms around Jim again.

_Fin_

* * *

Well, this is it. Wow, that...escalated quickly. That's the biggest piece of fiction I wrote in the last three years! All in all 3000 words! That's more than in my final English exam!

I hope, it is not to bad. _Thanks and bye!_


End file.
